New Years Resolutions You Can Keep
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
1. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less.
4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more.
6. Drink. Drink some more.
7. Take up a new habit: smoking.
8. Spend at least $1000 a month on Ladies of the Night.
9. Spend more time at work.
10. Take a vacation to someplace important: like to see the largest ball of twine.
11. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
12. Quit giving money & time to charity.
14. Start being superstitious.
15. Have my car lowered and invest in a really loud stereo system. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
16. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
17. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. Only wear white T-shirts with those fashionable yellow stains under the arms.
18. Personal goal: bring back disco.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Where God Ain't! Cute
I saw this on the web and thought it was cute.
Where God Ain't!
He was just a little boy, on a week's first day. He was wandering home from Sunday School, and dawdling on the way.
He scuffed his shoes into the grass; he found a caterpillar. He found a fluffy milkweed pod, and blew out all the "filler."
A bird's nest in a tree overhead, so wisely placed on high. Was just another wonder that caught his eager eye.
A neighbor watched his zig zag course, and hailed him from the lawn; Asked him where he'd been that day and what was going on.
"I've been to Bible School," he said and turned a piece of sod. He picked up a wiggly worm replying, "I've learned a lot of God."
"M'm very fine way," the neighbor said, "for a boy to spend his time." "If you'll tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime."
Quick as a flash the answer came! Nor were his accents faint. "I'll give you a dollar, Mister, if you can tell me where God ain't."
Where God Ain't!
He was just a little boy, on a week's first day. He was wandering home from Sunday School, and dawdling on the way.
He scuffed his shoes into the grass; he found a caterpillar. He found a fluffy milkweed pod, and blew out all the "filler."
A bird's nest in a tree overhead, so wisely placed on high. Was just another wonder that caught his eager eye.
A neighbor watched his zig zag course, and hailed him from the lawn; Asked him where he'd been that day and what was going on.
"I've been to Bible School," he said and turned a piece of sod. He picked up a wiggly worm replying, "I've learned a lot of God."
"M'm very fine way," the neighbor said, "for a boy to spend his time." "If you'll tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime."
Quick as a flash the answer came! Nor were his accents faint. "I'll give you a dollar, Mister, if you can tell me where God ain't."
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee
A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee
A professor teaches his students a lesson about what's really important in life.
By Laura Bankston
Cups of Coffee"
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember this story about a mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor! next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, ' I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important.' So, pay attention to the things that are most important. Take care of your health--cook with your kids!-- spend time with those you love. There's always time to clean the house--it's a never ending job anyway :-). Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. Wondering what the coffee represents? No matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple cups of coffee with a friend--or a soda if you're like me and don't drink coffee!! Please share this with someone you care about!
A professor teaches his students a lesson about what's really important in life.
By Laura Bankston
Cups of Coffee"
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember this story about a mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee...
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor! next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.' The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. 'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided, ' I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else-the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important.' So, pay attention to the things that are most important. Take care of your health--cook with your kids!-- spend time with those you love. There's always time to clean the house--it's a never ending job anyway :-). Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. Wondering what the coffee represents? No matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple cups of coffee with a friend--or a soda if you're like me and don't drink coffee!! Please share this with someone you care about!
Today's Thoughts Feb.21 2008
Today it is raining and I'm feeling alittle down. It has been a fustrating week with everyone of the boys sick with a cough. Lil Paul has his asthma acting up again, he hasn't had that since he was an infant, but all the boys got sick with the flu and now that triggered it. He is doing better today. It is the first day he is not constantly hacking! He is on Albuterol and it seems to be finaly kicking in. The flu is hitting hard here in Sacramento, the flu alert website stated that our area is in the HIGH range. One school had 125 students out at the same time. Here is the website flu tracker
http://www.flufacts.com/know/default.aspx
Well, I'm ready for the sun and warm weather, I hate it when its boiling but at least the flu season will be over! And the boys can play outside more! That is always a good thing, to get them out of the house. Spring break is coming up quick here, I hope we have good weather, so they can be outside. They get so bored otherwise and start fighting with each other like crazy.
Oh, yeah, poor Blake got bit by a dog on Sunday. He has a punture wound in his calf. It is getting better, but it lookes really painful, it all black and blue around the bite mark. Blake always gets hurt, he is my boy that is more accidant prone! He takes after me unfortunetly.
Well, I've been boring enough, I'm signing off for now :)
http://www.flufacts.com/know/default.aspx
Well, I'm ready for the sun and warm weather, I hate it when its boiling but at least the flu season will be over! And the boys can play outside more! That is always a good thing, to get them out of the house. Spring break is coming up quick here, I hope we have good weather, so they can be outside. They get so bored otherwise and start fighting with each other like crazy.
Oh, yeah, poor Blake got bit by a dog on Sunday. He has a punture wound in his calf. It is getting better, but it lookes really painful, it all black and blue around the bite mark. Blake always gets hurt, he is my boy that is more accidant prone! He takes after me unfortunetly.
Well, I've been boring enough, I'm signing off for now :)
Two Troublemakers
I thought this joke was funny and it reminded me of my boys!
Two Troublemakers
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"
Two Troublemakers
A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Cookies in Heaven?
Cookies in Heaven?
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with aspatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with aspatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
